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Re-Entry
This morning when I awoke and it was now March I thought of immediately diving into facebook to see what I had missed in my month away, but I just couldn’t yet. And, here at late afternoon, I still haven’t. It feels a bit like running back to an old lover that you still harbor feelings for while also understanding that they will never be able to love and nurture you the way you need. Especially since between the last time I saw them and now, I’ve discovered so much more about who I am and how I want to be loved and how I want to love in the world.
Baptism By Waterfall
I keep going back. Despite the fact that it is now December, I can’t resist the waterfall. Especially after a two day storm which brought torrential rain which is now flowing vociferously down the mountainside toward Penobscot Bay. AJ and I were both wearing coats to ward off the cold, yet the water called me in. So, down I stripped to my birthday suit and waded in up to my hips. The cascading torrent showered my upper body with cold droplets while the winter sun dappled my shoulders in return. There’s nothing more invigorating than being naked in a waterfall in the woods on a cold day.
New Moon Seeds
The me I am now has also spent a lot of my years learning how to be happy in my own skin and accepting heartbreak as a natural part of this being human experience. In fact, that may be my biggest and truest accomplishment so far, making it to 51 and finding that I’m a pretty good egg, inside and out, lovable and full of love, even in my broken places…..so what, if my arms are middle aged and it takes just the right angle to hide my propensity for a double chin, I have survived a lot and my smile is more genuine now than it ever was when I was young and hopeful. But I fear that in the process of getting here, I’ve loved myself into a corner where I can only maintain equilibrium if I keep quiet, contained, and primarily self sufficient. And this is not the life I want for the remainder of my years, dare I say, the second half of my life.
Daring, Nicely.
Rarely in my life have I experienced such visceral joy. And, yes, even having experienced some fantastic sex….this was right up there, if not better. While sex can merge your consciousness with the heavens, this naked plunge into the waterfall was like merging with the earth and sky all at once. It was a jolt of electricity into the soul and body simultaneously….it was like the first kiss and the orgasm wrapped into one.